It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.
Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.
You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.
You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.
Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.
Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.
I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.
You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?
We shall see.
I was sixteen, laying on my bedroom floor, choking on your goodbye and cigarette smoke with the 98 degree weather burning tears into my cheeks, screaming for my mother because I figured this was it, I was going to die without you because if I couldn’t wake up and see you sleepily mumbling my name into my hair I didn’t want to wake up at all.
I was seventeen, shaky breath, shaky knees, tired lungs and wet hair but I wasn’t drowning like last summer
you know how in some movies the bride/groom calls off the wedding to be with the person they truly love and then they live happily ever after well it’s pretty shitty that the person they were getting married to doesn’t actually get a happy ending but no one seems to care about it to the point that he/she is not even mentioned afterwards as if that person didn’t exist or had feelings at all yeah just a thought
new obsession ♆
why get a job when you can get hit by cars and sue the drivers
And then you get injured and possibility die? I don’t think so.
get rich or die tryin dont you know the fuckin motto
1.PLUG IN YOUR HEADPHONES
DO NOT LISTEN WITHOUT HEADPHONES!!!!
3.CLOSE YOUR EYES
ENJOY A VIRTUAL HAIRCUT.
DO IT NOW.
THIS IS LITERALLY LIFE CHANGING
Woah, I actually got chills when he whispered
OMG I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR MONTHS. FINALLY REAPPEARD ON MY DASHHH
I thought this would be like “Oh cool yeah that sounded like a haircut”
NO NO NO NO NO NO
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND
The back of my head is tingling.
Oh my god this is perfect
I WAS ALONE IN THE DARK OUTSIDE AND I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMEONE BEHIND ME
I’ve heard this over ten times and still I get shivers as he whispers into my left ear…
You told me that I should just stop caring about everything, and the moment you said that I woke up inside and realized that’s exactly what you did. Never have I come to such a hurtful explanation, seeing that all this time it was because you had stopped caring, yourself.
And worst of all, it was mostly me you stopped caring about.
Honestly, at the end of the day if you can’t go to bed content with the way things are then you need to get up and fix it before you sleep. Period.